These programs are right for all. of. you. who keep saying, “I just don’t have the time to workout” yet can spend an entire weekend binge-watching between Ted Lasso and The Crown (both good choices by the way!)

And it’s also right for that lovely woman I met at the market who told me “Every time I step foot in the gym, I worry about sharing space with the grunting testosterone-fueled muscle heads who drop potentially lethal air droplets all over the shared equipment.” She’s also done trying to subtly remove wedgies without anyone noticing… but you didn’t hear that from me!

Wha… who me?? I’m your personal trainer of course! If you’d like to know a bit more, I love meditation (more in theory than in my everyday life); I cook pretty much every meal every person eats in my house, and I occasionally do it with a smile; I absolutely love it when I workout so hard (and quick) that I have sweat dripping off my nose (fact: when you work out in your garage during summer with no A/C, getting this sweaty takes almost no time!); and I love animals but refuse to allow any to take up residence in my home—and my children wail on me daily about this.

Girlfriend, I have about four testimonials up above, but I get it, you need reassurance. All I can say is if you do the work, the results will come! But you have to do. the. work.

Let’s say you buy a latte at your local cafe, nothing fancy, that costs $3.50 a pop (overpriced by the way but we pay for convenience), and you buy that four times a week—so in one month, you order at least 16 lattes (we both know it’s more but you might be reading this with your husband and he doesn’t need to fully comprehend your latte habit) which means you’re spending $56/month which is WAY MORE than the membership that comes in at a steal of a price at $29/month. Think about it, instead of spending money on brown caffeinated water, you’re getting workouts that can turn you into a lethal weapon able to carry groceries up four flights of stairs—without breaking a sweat! Worth every cent. 

And if you decide to go month-to-month (don’t worry, I discuss the differences in the next FAQ), you’re still spending less—$22 to be exact. Numbers don’t lie. 

And yes, I offer refunds if you’re not happy with the workouts. (But only in lattes – kidding!)

Elimination of FOMO (for my non-millennial friends, that means you no longer have the “fear of missing out” on new workouts each month). You’ll be automatically signed up for each one without having to set a reminder, check my website, or heck even read my promo emails – which do come fast and furious one week each month. Save yourself all that reading time by joining the membership – it’s only $29/month.

But if you’re a commitment-phobe, I got you covered boo. You can come and go as you please for just $34/program, and no one will be the wiser. It’ll be our secret. 

Did I mention you can cancel your membership at any time for any reason and we’ll still be friends? (But refunds come in lattes! Read the above FAQ if that’s not registering.)