What Not to Do When You Want to Lose a Few Pounds

Do not:

1. Dread the entire process.

Sometimes I go into things thinking, this is going to be a total slog! and wouldn’t you know it — I’m psychic (for a moment) because that’s EXACTLY how it ends up feeling.

Total. Fucking. Slog.

I have objections for every new action, and I search furiously for a way out — which is never too daunting a task — I simply say, welp, I’ve had enough of that.

Escape hatch opened.

When we embark on a new path, launching from the Port of Dread never moves us far from our comfort zone. Being 50 shades of misery before we even begin is the exact thing that will lead us straight to a bag of salty tortilla chips and a spicy marg on a Tuesday afternoon—because fuck this, life is meant to be filled with spontaneous margs, is it not?

Creating any new change in your life requires rewiring and firing new thoughts BEFORE you even begin because it’s not about figuring out exactly how you’re going to make it through, it’s about upping the level of your thoughts that will carry you through the process.

If you enjoy the process, if you design it and feel it to be a noble and worthy effort, and if you think of it as being easy—which is a major mind trick that works incredibly well, although the one caveat is you actually have to BELIEVE that it will be easy in order for it to work—then you can make some really radical changes happen.

If you steer the conversations in your head, ask questions before diving into the cookie jar, and be open to the experience instead of dreading it… Bango! You’re not going to have to wade through the slog any longer — you’ll be flying high above it and your people will be all like, “Who’s this new betch, I like her, she’s got her shit together!”

2. Rely solely on motivation or routine.

Ah, motivation, all shiny and new — injecting hope into the hopeless — how can it go wrong? It positively cannot — not this time, not with all this unbridled motivation tingling through my fingertips!

And this routine that’s all set up down to the minute! What a breathtaking experience it will be, waking up an entire hour earlier, it’s going to be AHHHHHH-mazing!!!

Yup, I’ve done that. 

I also like to think I’ve coined the phrase “regret hangover” due to all the times the clock has ticked past the waking hour and yet there I lay, slumbering through it. Regret and I are in fact, comfortable bedfellows.

Every single time I relied on the surge of energy that is motivation to get me through the rough patches, I’ve fallen to its feet. And routine, an even more unreliable lass, can be easily dismantled when the school nurse calls or vacation disrupts her flow.

Those two methods are too delicate and have no problem leaving you on the sofa with a pint of New York Super Fudge Chunk in hand. Even the smallest inconvenience can derail them, allowing you to free yourself from the hook.

And once you’re off the hook, getting back on is like taking on Rocky Balboa in a street fight. You’ll quickly collect your things, head back home, and remind yourself veggies are for assholes anyway!

Turns out that the best way to create any kind of change in your life begins with the health of your thoughts.

What are you saying to yourself when things get tough?

When you have a craving?

When it begins to feel like it’s too much, or it’s too hard?

Thoughts run the show. Listen to them, understand them, and work to turn the negative ones around by trying to find the next best thought possible. That thought may not be much better, but even if it’s one tiny step above, pay attention to that little shift that just occurred inside you. That’s your guidance letting you know that you’re moving in the right direction.

Start there and maybe this time around change will come. (And it may even stick around for the long haul!)

Till next week my inquisitive friend!

❤️am